I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
