I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
