Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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