we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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