he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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