Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i drank out of a bidet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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