I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
