im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
