I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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