Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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