you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
even my farts smell like vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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