just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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