dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's like iHOP with fire
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
