i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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