Come see our sink grown plant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
