i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
