I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
