Cold hands, warm shart.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
