There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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