Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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