K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
