I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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