so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
