You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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