i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will be naked everywhere
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
