Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
