I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
