im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
