I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
