I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
