Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
