dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
