Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Text me some of your sweat
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