Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
