Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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