I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
