Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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