he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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