I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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