Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
