Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
nutella sex= disaster
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
