where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
