i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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