I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize