went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
