I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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