You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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