I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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