y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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