i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
