Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
