i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
