On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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