does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't deserve a penis
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
