the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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