yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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