Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
