just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
