Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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