The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
