At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You can't special order awesome
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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