I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I look better un-naked...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
