oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
