i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
