the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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