Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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