I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
